Oops upside your head!

Monkey on the Run in Virginia

A Japanese monkey aptly named Oops bolted from the Roanoke city zoo, sparking a park-wide shutdown as staff searched the surrounding forest where they could hear her in the trees.

The 20-pound Japanese macaque and her family were being moved from their holding cells to the exhibit for routine feeding and cleaning when she got away Sunday morning, said David Jobe, education curator at Mill Mountain Zoo. She was still on the run Monday morning.

"We hope that because they're active in the daytime, she slept last night and woke up this morning hungry," Jobe said. "We hope to take advantage of a hungry monkey."

If I had a dollar for everytime I've heard that...

Baboon Squatters

Baboons move into S. African beach homes

Unruly gangs are raiding the expensive homes that line the spectacular coast of South Africa's Cape Peninsula, clearing out pantries, emptying fridges, and defecating over the designer furnishings.

It's baboon versus human in a string of wealthy ocean-front communities 30 minutes from the trendy center of Cape Town, a top tourist destination.

...

George is one of the biggest baboons in a troop of about 20, an adult male weighing some 110 pounds. He yawns languidly, displaying wickedly curved canine teeth.

"If you think how easily a baboon could rip a person apart, the fact that they don't is quite remarkable," Trethowan said.

Um... Gee. How lucky we are not to be torn assunder by the beasts we allow to live in our luxury neighborhoods.

Yeah, I get that.

Monkey Talk

Shouting monkeys show surprising eloquence

Putty-nosed monkeys (Cercopithecus nictitans) live in family groups, usually led by a dominant male who keeps a wary eye out for their two main enemies — leopards and eagles. A circling eagle will cause a male to warn his troop by making a series of calls called 'hacks', whereas a lurking leopard will prompt him to shout out a string of 'pyow' sounds.

...

But now zoologists have realized that at least one combination of these sounds has its own distinct meaning: up to three pyows followed by up to four hacks seems to mean 'let's move on'. This call sequence is given both in response to the presence of predators or simply as a sign to head for new terrain.

And I wonder which sequence of hacks and pyows means, "Here come the humans, the time to overtake is NOW!!!"

(Props to new coworker, John.)

Killer Chimps on the Run

Police Hunt Pack of Killer Chimps

FREETOWN, Sierra Leone (April 24) - Armed Sierra Leonean police are hunting up to 20 chimpanzees which killed a local taxi driver and injured three American visitors after they broke out of a wildlife sanctuary, officials said on Tuesday.

...

''Maybe the visitors panicked and threw sticks and stones. Chimps mob people. If you try and defend yourself you can get hurt,'' he added. He advised any humans attacked by chimpanzees to ''be submissive, lie on the ground.''

Bad killer chimps! BAD!

(Thanks Matt!)

Get the monkey!

Our dog, Mingus, plays a game we call "Get the kitty!", which generally consists of Mingus snapping/pawing at our cat, Chuck, until Chuck comes after him. From there it usually degenerates to Chuck lying on his back swinging an occasional paw at the dog if he comes close.

This dog plays "Get the monkey!" and the capuchin seems to play by Chuck's rules. The monkey even looks a little like Chaz.
Curious...

(Thanks Shay.)

Whoa! Whoa! WHOA!!!

Monkey menace? Simply cook and eat them!

Fed up by an army of monkeys that has made life miserable in rural Uganda, a minister has come out with a simple solution: eat the animal!

Junior Agriculture Minister Israel Kibirige Sebunnya has warned that crops would be wiped out if the problem was not addressed. And he has suggested a novel solution to the problem.

'I wish we could adopt the habit of eating monkeys like they do in West Africa,' junior Agriculture Minister Israel Kibirige Sebunnya said here.

Haven't we already established that monkeys are far to similar to us biologically to be consumed? I mean, seriously... How does this seem like a good idea to anyone?

Whuzzup?

Just some randomness:

  • Man, it seems like Google has de-listed the BlahStuff (or at least ranked me down a ton). My traffic has dropped by more than half starting last Wednesday. If any of y'all that get regular Google hits felt like mentioning BS in a fresh post in the hopes to re-upping my Google-juice, I'd appreciate it.
  • Hey, look! It's Mars!
  • Monkey pictures are fun.
  • Started working on a new double desk set-up for our office on Saturday. Got some nice 3/4" maple veneer plywood and glued some half-inch MDF on the bottom to strengthen it up a bit. Got to use my flush-cutting router bit for the first time, but then it got all cold and snowy. Gonna treat the edges with some strips of this cool laminated oak I have, so it should give a cool effect. Photos when there's something to see.
  • My tattoo has a few spots that will require touch-up. I wonder if it's just me, in general, or the forearm location, specifically, or a combo that cause me such problems in healing my tattoos.
  • Saw Murderball on A&E. Good stuff (except for all the Dog the Bounty Hunter commercials). Zupan's the man.
  • The BU Terriers swept UMass and will meet UNH in the Hockey East semifinals.
  • My friends at the Exchange Tavern managed to shoehorn a dart board into their fine establishment. I'm excited. Now if only they'd update their web site.
  • What with Miracle Ed's visit and the fresh tattoos, we've been out of the hot box for over a month now. Time to get back on the horse real soon. Luckily I haven't slipped much (yet).
  • The biggest crawdaddy you'll ever see (thanks Brandon).

Hot Flashes in the Mist

Study: Gorillas go through menopause

A study of gorillas at 17 North American zoos, led by Chicago's Brookfield Zoo, is the first to document gorilla menopause, according to researchers who were not involved in the study.

The findings may help zoos improve how they care for aging female gorillas and change the way evolutionary biologists think about menopause in humans.

Researchers think this may serve to refute the "grandmother hypothesis" which posits menopause evolved to give grandmothers time to help care for the grandchildren. Gorilla grandmas don't hang with the young'uns, so it might just be a result of living longer.

[Thanks to Mike for the link.]

Stalin: "Give me Simianistas!"

Somehow, this is in the Scotsman rather than the Onion... Stalin's half-man, half-ape super-warriors

The Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents.

Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia's top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior.

This sounds like an issue of Hellboy or something... Jesus!

Obviously, Stalin was a stone-cold nutter. I can't believe Lenin was the only one with syphilis rumors surrounding him... (Ah, there are Stalin-Pox ideas after the fact, it seems.)

I wonder if he also had a separate Sleestak breeding program.

Wanna come over and watch Animal Planet?

Seed: Girls Gone Wild ... for Monkeys

The researchers found that while straight men are only aroused by females of the human variety, straight women are equally aroused by all human sexual activity, including lesbian, heterosexual and homosexual male sex, and at least somewhat aroused by nonhuman sex. ... "There's the possibility that genital response for women is not necessarily imbued with meaning about her sexual interests," says Chivers. She also emphasized that her findings do not imply women harbor a latent desire for lesbian sex or bestiality.

What's actually surprising is that the guys had such a selective response. You'd think just the idea of sex would be enough to get some response from most fellows.

Grinder monkeys will kill ya (but we have guns)

Once again, I've been lax in my coverage of the Simianista conflicts. Today, though, comes news of a biological threat that should prompt leadership to raise the threat level meter by a banana or two. Performing monkeys in Asia carry viruses that could jump species to humans

Some urban performing monkeys in Indonesia are carrying several retroviruses that are capable of infecting people, according to a new study led by University of Washington researchers. The results indicate that contact with performing monkeys, which is common in many Asian countries, could represent a little-known path for viruses to jump the species barrier from monkeys to humans and eventually cause human disease.

How very charming. Not only are those little organ grinder capuchins picking your pocket, they're giving you autoimmune diseases!

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Then there comes news of a "win" for our side in England: Runaway Chimp Shot Dead

The statement from the police is hilariously deadpan:

A police spokesman later confirmed: "A zoo marksman has shot the chimp dead. The public concern can now abate."

Gotta say, my money goes to any zoo that employs a full-time marksman. I wonder if the coppers' statement belies the fact that they were a bit miffed that somebody else got to off the chimp first...?

The Revolution Is Still in Full Swing

Lest you think my lack of recent Monkey Revolution posts means the Simianistas have become less active: Monkey menace comes to haunt Sector 18

Residents of Sector 18-C are being terrorised by monkeys who are entering houses, eating food and damaging household articles and plants.

Manish of Sector 18-C, whose house suffered a monkey attack, said that residents were afraid of going out. ‘‘The monkeys become furious whenever they are stopped from damaging household goods,’’ Manish added.

Near as I can tell, Sector 18 is right in the heart of the Indian city of Chandigarh.

Shit's also getting crazy in Delhi...