Oscar Summary

[Since I'm getting Google hits, here's the 37% lamer 2006 Oscar summary.] The best musical performance (by far!) was Jorge Drexler accepting his award by singing his own Best Song, completely showing up the version Antonio Banderas and Carlos Santana put forth. Seriously: The music sucked. Someone tell Adam Duritz it was time to lose the fake dreds five years ago. Please.

When Sean Penn came out I thought to myself, "Man, he's badass. He looks like he needs to beat someone." Then he got all grumpy at Chris Rock for asking who Jude Law is, so yeah, I guess he was looking for someone to beat.

I'm sorry I missed his tirade about who's a movie star and who isn't, because, other than that Chris Rock was pretty dull. They showed clips of Johnny Carson when he hosted: Too bad for Chris.

Was Dustin Hoffman completely pixelated or what?!

Jamie Foxx is a sweet guy. He should stop acting like an asshole.

Clint Eastwood is just getting started, y'all. His mom was in the audience at age 96. Someday I want Clint to yell at me and make me cry like a little girl.

Hilary Swank is "teh hotness" (as they say on the internets).

The "everyone on stage so the losers can relive their middle school talent show failures" presentations were extra lame.

Why does the foreign film award "go to" the country of origin??

Best moment I didn't catch (from a pre-show):

"Before you were a movie star, you were a serious actor," said ABC's Chris Connelly to Orlando Bloom.

I used to like Connelly when he was on MTV. Now I wish Orlando had smacked him.

The show was over EARLY. WTF?!?! That's just stupid.

See CNN, NYT, EW, and, well, everywhere else for more...