Monkey Bits

It looks like monkeys can suffer from depression, too.

The researchers noted that some of the monkeys were lethargic, had higher heart rates and underwent hormone disruptions -- all considered definite or possible signs of depression in humans. The depressed monkeys were also more likely to occupy a subordinate role within the monkey community hierarchy, meaning they were often isolated and subject to aggression.

I bet they get really depressed when their house gets wrecked.

I suggest they spend more time looking at monkey pornography. Works for me. ;)

Watch your digits!

Woman sues after monkey bites off fingers

According to the complaint, Baker was at the safari on Oct. 9, 2004. She was feeding animals. She was preparing to feed a chimpanzee when the animal reached through the bars of its cage and grabbed Baker’s clothing and pulled her into the cage.

The suit alleges that the chimpanzee grabbed Baker’s left arm and hand, then bit off much of her hand, including two fingers.

Don't feed the animals, yo.

What if chimps had jury duty?

Chimps' Sense of Justice Found Similar to Humans'

In the fall of 2003, Sarah Brosnan and Frans de Waal of the Yerkes National Primate Research Center in Atlanta determined that capuchin monkeys don't like being subjected to treatment they deem unjust. In the new work, the researchers tested the reactions of pairs of chimpanzees to exchanges of food that varied in quality. The animals received either a grape, which they coveted, or a less appealing cucumber and they could see what their partner obtained. In pairs of chimps that had lived together since birth, the individual given the cucumber was less likely to react negatively to the situation than was the short-changed member of a pair that did not know each other as well. Indeed, chimps in the short-term social groups refused to work after their partner received a better reward for the same job.

So, there ya go. If the Simianistas start kidnapping people and holding puppet trials on the internet, just remember you were warned here first.